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(with apologies to Monty Python}

We’ve all received spam at some time whether it be unwanted snail mail or email. With email we have probably been offered huge fortunes by the ubiquitous Nigerian prince, civil servant or government minister; we only have to provide our bank details or pay a fee to receive millions.

As time goes on these spam emails become more sophisticated. Even so, I, as secretary, receive numerous spam emails every week. These are mainly advertising ‘Rayburn’ sunglasses, website services, invoices, engineering services, and warnings that my password is about to expire. The list is endless. I once had a

whole string of emails written in the Cyrillic script. Most of these are an irritation at the very least but one amused me that I thought I would share it as it could only be described as crass.

YOUR UNPAID FUNDS TO CLAIM

We the U.S Department Of Justice is contacting you Regarding your funds, I feel it's best and more convenient for me to explain why I am contacting you. I'm Merrick B. Garland, AG United States Department of Justice,…

This is interesting, why is the U.S Department Of Justice contacting me? And why does regarding start with an ‘R’?

A few lines later it becomes clear.

I wish to announce our successful investigation which was carried out few days ago…

… it was truly confirmed that you have 100% Legitimate unpaid transaction and you have every right to claim this funds as you're been confirmed to be the rightful owner of the said amount $55.9 Million dollars COMPENSATION/INHERITANCE FUNDS.

Wow!!! I have been defrauded of $55.9 million and the U.S. Attorney General’s office is going to retrieve the funds for me. This is too good to be true.

Eventually the catch.

I want to know if you're interested in receiving your unpaid legitimate funds value $55.9 Million usd however, I will only be of help if you agreed to follow my instructions. If you're really interested in receiving your unpaid $55.9 Million USD, I advise that you get back to me immediately. All I need is your cooperation and understanding.

I wonder what form my cooperation will take? No prizes for guessing – certainly not $55.9 million

Finally I looked at the address to which to the email had been sent – ‘undisclosed recipients’. How many people had been defrauded of $55.9 million, I wondered? In round figures I would estimate zero.

I always take care to double check where an email is from and ignore any links and buttons I am asked to click.